Andrew McKee on Finding Your True Self (Without Moving to a Monastery)
EPISODE 32 / 07.09.2025
What if peace isn’t something you chase—but something you stop doing? Todd and Bettijo sit down with life coach Andrew McKee to ask: What if you’re not who you think you are? (Cue the Twilight Zone music.) They dive into anxiety, identity, and why your thoughts might be full of it. It’s funny, deep, and might just quiet your brain—for once.
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Show Notes
Ready to finally quiet the noise in your head? In this episode, Todd and Bettijo sit down with life coach and host of People Who Suffer, Andrew McKee, to explore what happens when you stop believing everything that voice in your head says. Learn how to flip the script on how we think about peace and suffering. Andrew’s secret? Realizing there’s a big difference between who we are and who we think we are.
Andrew shares his own rollercoaster journey—from years of anxiety and “faking it” to life-changing moments of silence and clarity, including a near-death experience that helped him start rewiring everything. Together, they unpack the tricky idea of identity: a tangle of fears, judgments, and stories we’ve inherited, versus the timeless, peaceful core that’s been there all along.
They discuss Andrew’s powerful “circle” graphic (see below). This illustration is a visual guide to separating the noisy mind (judgments, drama, old beliefs) from the quiet core of who we really are. Together, they share stories of self-doubt and people-pleasing, while exploring how true transformation doesn’t come from overthinking—but from stillness, awareness, and just being. Todd talks about learning to be kinder to himself and why putting your own oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish, it’s survival. Plus, Andrew explains how to extend this approach into parenting, including a hilarious parenting hack about chores.
EPISODE Highlights
- Andrew McKee’s gift of knowing. (0:46)
- Andrew traces his suffering back to childhood and remembers an experience of hiding in the coat room to avoid disappointing his teacher. (1:34)
- Todd shares a relatable story of hiding suspension notices from his mom. (2:55)
- Andrew’s early search for self-help and a brief death experience in 2006 that brought profound peace. (4:26)
- The overwhelming energy it took for Andrew to “fake” being a semi-normal human. (5:29)
- Todd’s learned ability to say “no” and Bettijo’s feeling of being “stretched thin.” (7:05)
- The profound realization Andrew had at 48 about his family’s mental makeup and its influence on his identity. (8:11)
- Andrew’s definition of suffering: “having an experience different from the one I think I should be having.” (8:47)
- Bettijo recounts her personal experience with Andrew’s “circle” concept during her divorce. (9:12)
- The most beautiful thing of all things – stillness (19:15)
- The importance and difficulty of finding mental stillness and nature shows as a hack. (25:00)
- Is your mind a safe place for you? (25:45)
- The first time Andrew experienced his true, peaceful inner self “I am.” (26:30)
- Andrew’s insightful parenting technique for his son’s chores: changing his relationship to the task. (42:33)
- Todd’s realization about setting realistic goals to avoid self-judgment. (47:17)
- Andrew’s client anecdote about testing how long a task actually takes versus what the mind anticipates. (49:55)
- The power of recognizing and staying with “good moments” in life. (55:02)
- ToddFlix – The “Mufasa” movie and its connection to the episode’s themes. (1:09:00)
ToddFlix Pick
Listen to Learn
- How suffering often stems from our perception of how things “should” be.
- The profound difference between intellectual understanding and experiential knowing.
- Why stillness and presence are crucial for mental well-being.
- Practical ways to reframe challenging situations and shift your perspective.
Discover a new path to peace and a deeper understanding of yourself. Andrew McKee’s insights will change the way you view your mind and your experiences. Hit Play and transform your perspective!
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